Spiritual and Natural Parenting

Valerie Curry, Spiritual Director

Everyone knows there is no script for raising children, but there are basic guidelines and principals that seem to make a big difference in the success and balance of parenting.

Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (KJV)

The operative words are “train up”, in other words “raise-up”. In today’s society too many parents rely on the teachers, preachers and outside role models to raise our children. We tend to blame everyone else instead of assuming responsibility for our children’s development and welfare. It does not matter if you are rich or impoverished; if they are in private school or public school; or in good or bad neighborhoods. Quality time does not cost money. Children with involved parents do far better in school. You must sit, do and review homework to instill good study habits. Private schools even require the parents to sign an agreement of participation, which is why their education programs are so successful. If you start at an early age implementing good study habits (pre-school), the need to oversee them lessens as the child gets older. The fact is that the most formative years are before children reach the age of 5. Therefore, children who do not get the home support start out the gate behind those children whose parents are working with them.

Proverbs 13:24 “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.” (KJV)

Society has parents afraid to discipline their children. Getting a child’s attention and setting boundaries are essential to their social skills. Learning respect for others and following rules are basic principals.  I watched a woman standing in the grocery store negotiating with a three year old for fifteen minutes trying to stop the child from recklessly pushing the cart. She told the child, “If you don’t stop pushing the cart you’re not getting ice cream”. Well I noticed a short time later that the child was still pushing the cart and also had the ice cream. Obviously the adult was not in control of the situation. I remember thinking that if the adult cannot control a child at three, what is going to happen when the child is thirteen? Well, my question was answered as I turned onto the next aisle where a family (mother, father and two teenagers) were shopping. One of the teenagers around thirteen or fourteen was cursing and yelling at his parents telling them that they were stupid and he hated them. Both parents pled with the child to calm down and stop making a scene. Again there was no direction, but now they were dealing with an out-of-control teenager who is destined to grow into an out-of-control adult. Well, I do not know about you but my parents would have never tolerated such behavior; and I honestly do not remember when I had a spanking as a child. I am not advocating spanking, but I am advocating setting boundaries. If you establish boundaries in the early years there is no need for spankings.

Developing Spiritually

Taking (not sending) your children to church or providing spiritual guidance is just as essential as their formal education. Having Godly consciousness and spiritual guidance will provide them with tools for a balanced life. One needs to feed and edify the soul, as well as their body. Inner strength is built, like character is built. How can one tap into a source that they don’t know exist? At one time I insisted that my children go to church, which gave them their spiritual foundation. Now they go for themselves, which I feel is the greatest gift that I could have given them. I take comfort in knowing that no matter what challenges they face in life, they will stand and succeed because they have something to draw on and sustain them. People often ask me, how did you raise such wonderful young ladies? My answer: I stayed involved in their lives; I met their needs and most of their wants. But I also had expectations (good grades and behavior), I did homework with them, and I set standards for grades. I kept them involved in activities; quitting and giving up was never an option; I knew their friends because I had the sleepovers at MY house and took them on outings. I took them to CHURCH and I gave them lots of LOVE, while demanding respect and obedience…I guess you call that parenting! Now, the roles are reversing and they want to parent me (smile).